Sunday, June 17, 2012

4:20am

The night was cool
when I walked up the steps to your room…
It took me years to do it…
but I finally got the nerve to hold your hand.
It was something that I had to do.
I had only recently gotten comfortable
with telling you that I loved you.
Up until a few months ago
it was unspoken but I always knew.
I could see it in your blue eyes.
Blue like the sky and every bit as deep.

And as I took your hand in the darkness,
I could feel your heart beating with mine…
slow and steady and time seemed to stop…
and part of me, the selfish part,
wanted to hold on to that moment forever…
hold on and never let go.

So I held your hand in the dark.
Your hand was so soft, but too warm for December…
no words spoken…
then I, too, closed my eyes
and let the memories of the times we shared flood over me
and I wondered why this moment
had taken so long to arrive.

Was it only yesterday that I picked you up
and carried you through the door and put you in your bed?
Or was it a week ago?
Time slips in times likes these. Peace settles in.
And the night begins to play its tricks on you.
So I held your hand, this one last time,
and one last time I turned to you for strength
because I knew you could hold this reality together.
You were always the strong and sensible one.
The magical one who could do anything by shear will.

And I held your hand.

Then time slipped away… like the beating of your heart,
there in my hand… and it was time for me
to walk out that very door I had carried you through.
Time to leave you there with your wife one last time.

This is a poem that I wrote for my father a few years ago. The photo is from a trip that my parents took us on to NASA when we were kids. My Father worked on some of the drawings for the Rocket Assembly Tower—the building in the background. Thinking of you today day, Dad. I miss you!